How to negotiate in the workplace
Because negotiations are about human interaction they contain masses of emotional data. You need to recognise, understand and manage this. Use your unoccupied attention capacity to listen between the lines. Ask yourself, what is the mood in the room? Is it conducive to the task? How are people feeling? Look at their faces, their body language. How focused are they on the task? Think about yourself in the same way before and during the negotiation. Your posture can convey much. Trying to mask your emotions rarely works, especially if the emotions are strong. You cannot hide anger and deep frustration. Instead share your feelings about how you feel (not critique what the other person did to make you feel that way) and try to find positive emotions that can be brought to the table. A smile helps put everyone at ease. Acknowledge and take account of the other party’s feelings.
Tread easily and slowly to the problem. You could start with something like: “We have to resolve this issue, but first I want to hear what you have to say about it.” Give the other party some slack, encourage them to take time, and treat them as you would like to be treated. Encourage elaboration of their thoughts and feelings.
The power of a question
When you are sitting in a negotiation wondering where on earth an idea or proposition came from and feel yourself ready to launch an attack, the power of a simple question can defuse the situation. “Where did that idea come from? What was your thinking? Tell me how you came to that conclusion?”
Ensure you understand what is being said. Check the key messages with the other party (Now, let me see if I have understood what you said …). Summarise or paraphrase in your own words what came across (What I think you are saying is…). As you hear ideas expressed, indicate that you understand key points.
Have your fights in negotiations if you want to. Just don’t call it good business. Stop, step back and try to see things with new eyes. Become aware of the underlying assumptions and beliefs that have influenced your attitude and reactions. This requires self-control and emotional maturity, but it frees you up to attend to what is really going on.
There is something exhilarating about showing other people the links of your reasoning. They may or may not agree with you, but at least they can see how you got there. When negotiation is working well, you can more easily accept different views and learn from them.
–Jim Grant is founding partner of Dattner Grant (http://dattnergrant.com.au)
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